b e l i e v e r
by S.N. Rainsworth
Summary: I love you.


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I love you.

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* * *

><p><strong>b e l i e v e r<strong>

* * *

><p>They don't know<br>how it _began_  
>It just <strong>did.<strong>

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beads of _sweat_ run down  
>his <strong>face<strong>, and his  
><em><span>lips<span>_ are closed in  
>an <em>unheard<em> **cry**.  
>she <span>purses<span> her _lips_ and  
><strong>smooths<strong> his **_hair_**  
>down and <em>touches<em>  
>his forehead for a f e v e r.<br>his eyes are _covered_ and  
>his <strong>hand<strong> is _twisted_ in  
>the bedsheets.<br>(_"I know he hates me. He does."_)  
>and she doesn't say anything because<br>**what** is there l e f t to say?

.

**rain **_patters_ on the  
>windowsill and she sits <span>still<span>  
>by it's <em>glossy<em> surface.  
>his <strong>silhouette<strong> is in the d i s t a n c e  
>so <em>close<em> and she can see  
>the <strong>blond<strong> of his _hair_  
>the <em>pallor<em> of his skin  
>the way he w a l k s in a <strong>limp<strong>  
>the way <em><strong>blood<strong>_ trickles down his arm.  
>(<em>"I'm home."<em>)  
><em><strong>barely.<strong>_  
>she <em>runs<em> out in the cold  
>thunders t o r m and <strong><em>feels<em>** the **rain**  
><em>silvers<em> on her arm and legs  
>and her <span>dress<span> hugs her thin _body_  
>and he <strong>looks<strong> at her like he can't see  
>because he can't <em><strong>recognize<strong>_ her  
>she's sure (<em>"You idiot. You were supposed<br>to come back to me  
>safe."<em>)  
>but she starts to <em>wonder<em>  
><em>when<em> has he last kept his **promise**?

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_cigarette_ **stains** on his  
><em><span>lips<span>_, his** face** taunted, his  
><em><strong>eyes<strong>_ d u l l e d and his _voice_  
>calling her <span>name<span>  
>reduced to <strong> whispers<strong>  
>that still <em>d a n c e<em> in the night.  
>(<em>"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to happen this way."<em>)  
>but as she thinks<br>she_realizes_ that **nothing**  
>ever happens the way we w a n t it to.<br>she _**wishes**_ to know  
>what happened to the <span>boy<span> who  
><em>kissed<em> her on the cheek and never **a d m i t t e d** it  
>who <strong>smiled<strong> at her between the _fences_  
>and p r o m i s e d her the world. <em>"Would you still<br>get the sky for me?"  
><em>such a _silly_ promise.  
>(<em>"Of course I will. Anything."<em>)  
>but he <strong>promised<strong> her the world.  
>she just had to <span>dream<span>, _exactly_  
><strong><em>where<em>** was the_ world_ n o w?

.

the _lines_ that **pronounce** his l i f e  
>have never been more<br>clearer to her than _now_ and  
>she wants to<strong> erase<strong> them  
><em><strong>all.<strong>_ she wants to  
><em>draw<em> **new** ones in place  
>of the <span>old<span> and _show_ him  
>that the <em>sky<em> was _**blue**_ and the  
>g r a s s was still <em>green<em> and that  
><strong>time<strong> was still **waiting** and  
>so was <em>she<em>, that  
>he had a <em>home<em> even  
>if he didn't w a n t to <strong><em>admit<em>** it.  
>and she was <span>thinking<span> about how  
>he <em>looked<em> at the **world** with  
><em>different<em> eyes. (_"Don't you trust me?"_)  
>it took her a s e c o n d<br>to **reply**.  
><em>"More than the world." <em>  
>more than <strong>anything<strong>.

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he's that **_bad boy_** that  
><span>sits<span> on the _leather_ seat of his  
><strong>motorcycle<strong>, but the p r o b l e m  
>is that he doesn't <em>have<em> one  
>because they were <span>death<span> _traps_.  
>(<em>His brother was worried.<em>)  
>and he didn't want to <strong>die<strong>.  
>she <em>thinks<em> about  
>how the <span>boy<span> she once k n e w  
><strong>destroyed<strong> _himself_  
>s l o w l y and <em>buried<em> himself six  
><span>feet under<span>. how he  
><em>looked<em> at her with those **e y e s**  
>lit by <strong><em>insanity<em>**.  
><em>strangely<em>, she was **addicted**  
>to the <em>way<em> he smiled  
>to the <strong>way<strong> he l i v e d  
>to the w a y he <strong>smirked<strong> and  
><em>some<em>h o w she let herself _fall_  
>so <strong>deep<strong> _enough_ to  
><span>break<span>. but he was not  
>c o m p l e t e l y <em>gone<em> and **somehow**  
>he had <em><span>caught<span>_ her  
><strong>six feet under.<strong>

.

(_That boy is a monster._)  
>with his <em>jacket<em> and **r e d** stained hands  
>that <em><strong>gleam<strong>_ i n v i t i n g l y inside _dark_  
><strong>nights<strong> and _burning_ m o r n i n g  
><em>suns<em>. he smiles at her from  
>across the table and <em>r e a c h e s<em> over  
><strong>k i s s i n g<strong> her on the cheek  
>and it <strong>burns<strong> but she doesn't care.  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>) because he  
><em><strong>really means it<strong>_.  
>so she <span>smiles<span> and _giggles_  
>because some<em>w h e r e<em> **inside** her  
>she <span>believes<span> - no, she _knows  
><em>that she will **kiss** him _back_.  
><em>"I love you too."<br>funny_ thing was,  
>she actually <strong>meant<strong> it,  
>even though she was sure that<br>his e y e s, lit by _insanity_  
>and the <strong>fever of no hope<strong>  
>that was c r u s h i n g him<br>was more attractive  
>than any <em>model boy<em> in  
>any <strong>magazine<strong>  
>was to <span>her<span>.

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_**addictive**_, he was to  
>(<em>That boy is a monster.<em>)  
>her <em>brain<em>, her functions, how  
>she <strong>lived<strong> and b r e a t h e d and  
><em>loved<em>. his _**lips**_, his f a c e, his  
><strong>smiles<strong>, his _smirks_, his **_t e a r s_**  
>that were as <span>clear<span> as  
><em>broken<em> g l a s s that  
>she <em><strong>barely<strong>_ got to see.  
>(<em>"You can't love me."<em>)  
>he was a f r a i d<br>of _falling_ because he  
>knew for <span>sure<span> that there  
>was<strong> no one<strong> to _catch_ him.  
>she c r i e d because she<br>knew that she _wasn't_  
><strong>strong<strong> enough to  
><em>hold him up<em> when he fell  
>and <strong>even though<strong> he _still_  
><span>smiled<span> at her and** loved** her  
>and <em>promised<em> the w o r l d  
>to her and brought to <strong>sky<strong>  
>to her <em>lips<em> and s o l d his **heart**  
>for <em>hers<em> she still _knew_  
>that <strong>inside<strong>,  
>he was just as <strong>broken<strong>  
>like <em><span>fragile<span> g l a s s_  
>like his <strong>tears<strong>  
>just as <span>she<span> w a s.  
>(<em>"I already do."<em>)

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he was a **nice boy**  
><em>once a upon a time.<em>  
>but now was <span>happily ever after<span>  
>and he was n o t h i n g near<br>what he **used** to be.  
>what she <span>used<span> to _make him_  
><em>out to be<em>. he was _not_  
>her <strong>dreams<strong>, n o t her  
><em>expectations<em>, **not**  
>her <span>anything<span>. but she _**managed**_  
>to someh o w make a <span>place<span> for  
><em>him<em> in her **warm**, s o f t _heart_  
>and he <span>knew<span> that he could  
>n e v e r <strong>repay<strong> her for  
>what she's <em>done<em> to him **all**  
><strong><span>these years<span>**.  
>(<em>Because she struts through<br>the halls with her  
>goddamn curvy hips.<em>)  
>but it's <em>more<em> than that.  
>it's <span>much more<span> than that, he  
><strong>thinks,<strong> he b e l i e v e s, hard  
>and <em>desperate<em> as he _grips_  
>onto something <strong>nonexistent<strong>  
>and he <strong>m a n a g e s<strong> to _keep_ her  
><span>close<span> to him, _eyes_** lit** by the f e v e r of  
><strong>insanity.<strong>  
>(<em>That boy is a monster.<em>)

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while _he_ is in **chains** she  
>comes and visits him her<br>e y e s still that _beautiful_ **blue**  
>that he <strong>fell<strong> in love with  
>and her <em>h a i r<em> still that shiny lemon  
>that he <strong>adores<strong> and her  
><em>smile<em> that still rivaled  
>the g l e a m of the <em><strong>sun<strong>_.  
>she <em><span>teaches<span>_ him the _power_  
>of how <strong>something<strong> so s m a l l and  
><em>insignificant<em> can affect one's  
>life so <span>much<span> (_"It's just a  
>piece of automail, Win."<em>)  
>and <strong>change<strong> it as much as  
>she did. she <em>teaches<em> him  
>what it <span>means<span> to be (_"Your  
>hands are not meant<br>for killing."_)  
><strong>part<strong> of a w h o l e.  
>what it means to be <em><strong>together<strong>_.  
>(<em>"Make me an apple pie for when<br>I get back!"_)  
>she <strong>t e a c h e s<strong> him that **believing**  
>is part of <span>dreaming<span>  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>)  
>and <span>dreaming<span> is part of  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>)  
><strong>living<strong>, and** living** is part of  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>)  
><em>loving<em>, and _loving_ is part of  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>)  
><strong>life<strong>, and **life** is part of  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>)  
>d e a t h, and d e a t h is part of<br>(_"I love you."_)  
><em>dreaming<em>. _dreaming_ is for  
>them b o t h, who have no<br>**hope** to **_c h a s e_**.  
>(<em>That girl is a monster.<em>)  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>)

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she _**taught**_ him that  
>no matter how much <em>pain<em> you  
>go <span>through<span>, how much you f a c e  
>as long as she was <strong>by<strong>  
>his <strong>side<strong> and as long as _he_ was  
>by <span>hers<span>, they would turn out  
>just <strong>fine<strong>, because  
>their <span>hearts<span> had _**always**_  
>and f o r e v e r will<br>_beat_ as  
><strong>o n e<strong>.

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(_"I love you."_)  
>(<em>"More than you can imagine."<em>)  
>(<em>"More than the whole world."<em>)  
>(<em>"I love you."<em>)

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**fin.**


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